Public Service Announcement
**could be TMI for some - proceed at your own risk
I have been drinking a lot of water and have to go pee every 30 minutes. I have the bladder of a Chihuahua. So the hubs and I were out running errands and stopped for a snack at a restaurant. Of course I had to use the ladies room. No big deal right? Wrong. Ok so let me start by saying that I have been wearing sundresses when the weather has been nice and it was nice on errand day. By the time we got to the restaurant I was practically prancing in with my legs crossed like I was three years old and telling my mom I had to use the bathroom. We get seated and I immediately scope out where the bathrooms are. Again queue the prancing except this time to the bathroom. I run in and go into the first stall. No time to find a seat protector just sit and go - relief! Finally! I look to the left to the ginormous black enclosed plastic toilet paper thingy. What's with those things anyways?!? I hate those things. The toilet paper in them is usually like using sand paper, the hubs calls it "John Wayne Paper, its rough and tough and don't take no shit". Best part is they enclose it in an almost opaque plastic case like they are trying to protect the crown jewels. Trust me you think that even if I wanted to I could smuggle out a car tire size roll of toilet paper without anyone becoming suspicious?!? There is no need for the locked case around it, that case makes it so you usually have to be sitting down before you realize there is no paper. Lame. Anyways the giant plastic thingy is empty. I would have gladly taken sand paper at this point. So as you can imagine I'm a little freaked out. Not like an axe murderer is chasing me freaked out but I what am I going to do freaked out. I left my purse that has tissues in it at the table with Joe. Ugh. So I turn on my MacGyver switch and decide that I'll use a toilet seat protector - its not ideal but it will work. I turn around and NO seat protectors. Um problem. There is no one else in the bathroom so I can't ask anyone if they can spare a square. Crap. I tried the drip dry method. That did not work. I tried the fanning method that did not work. I need a freaking piece of toilet paper. I could not face the fact of just pulling up and going back to the table like everything was ok. As stated above I was wearing a dress that day so that means I was wearing Spanx bike shorts (I swear those things are made out of the same material as scuba wet suits) under my dress. So I got a plan that I was going to make a run for it to the next stall. There was no one in the bathroom but I knew that I had to move quickly because with my luck someone would come in mid move and see something that only years of therapy could make them un-see. I stand up and try to move quickly but the scuba shorts that are now bunched up mid thigh are making it impossible. Its like trying to run through a pool filled with cookie dough while doing a 3 legged race. These things are like a tourniquet around my legs restricting movement. I'm trying to make ninja like movements but all these shorts would let me do is move like an injured penguin. I finally make it over to the next stall as, I kid you not, someone walks in. Thank goodness this one had paper. I did my good deed and let the person that just walked in that the first stall was out of TP. She was so thankful I let her know. By this point I'm sweaty and all disheveled. I get back to the table and Joe is looking at me like what the hell just happened to you. I give him the don't ask look and proceeded to drink 2 margaritas to calm the nerves, ha!. So my PSA this week is to drink margaritas they make everything better always check before you sit down for TP. You could get stuck busting out your best injured ninja penguin moves.









