Boa Constrictors, Sausge Casing, and Bear Hugs Oh My!

I’m a little down in the dumps today.  Everything was fine until my jog this afternoon.  But let me back up to last week.  My old sports bra died last week - one of the hooks snapped off.  As soon as it broke I did a bunch of research and found one that holds on to those things with a vice grip. According to all of the reviews it’s like you don’t even have tata’s.  But I had to order it so I put the old one on life support and used it with only 2 hooks.  Probably not a good idea but I wear this compression tank top thingy over my bra/under my shirt when I run to provide extra support for the breasticles and to keep my flab from slapping me in the face.  I’ll give you a minute to go get your brain bleach to remove that visual from your head.  The bra came today and I was sooo happy!  I rip it out of the package like a kid on Christmas morning.  Start to put it on and…um….wait…um…what the hell?!?!  It’s like you have to be a performer in Cirque du Soleil to get into this thing or a nija.  There is the regular hooky things in the back but you still have to put it over your head to get it on cause part of it does not come undone.  After a bunch of “eff this and eff that’s” I finally get it on.  Problem is that it seems really small which is weird cause it’s the same size as all my other bras.  Basically I look like a giant sausage stuffed into a bra like sausage casing.  Sigh.  But the girls are not moving and I mean NOT moving even with the jump test.  So I decide to wear it.  I even get the lame idea in my head that now that I don’t have to worry about extra support for the boobies and jello like flab and decide to ditch the compression tank thingy.  What a bad idea.  I start to jog and its going ok except that my workout leggings are staring to slip down and not just a little I am now sporting plumbers crack.  The compression tank was holding them up in my previous workouts.  I had no idea.  Ugh.  Sigh.  It wouldn’t be so bad except my treadmill does not have any cup holders or cubbies of any kind so I have to hold my phone so I can listen to music and hear the C25k app tell me when it’s time to walk/run.  I don’t know what the workouts are anymore cause I don’t write them down so I need my phone so I can use the app.  I just wait for the trainer lady to tell me what to do.  The floor is concrete so it’s not like I can drop my phone on the floor and I didn’t want to stop to put phone my phone down plus without knowing what the workout is that wouldn’t work either.  So I try to keep adjusting my pants one handed.  Giant Sigh.  Finally I get to the walk segment and pull my pants up to my nose – straight up nerd style but that doesn't help at all.  In the mean time the bra feels like it’s a boa constrictor.  Holy crap!  It’s beyond tight!  But I still don’t want to stop and decide to keep going.  Oh and on top of all that my treadmill has been on the fritz lately.  Of course it decided that this would be a great time to mess with me.  For some reason the speed will not stay consistent during the jogging segments.  It will jump anywhere from 4.2 down to 2.8 and then back up to 5+.  It jumps every 2-3 seconds.  So my bra is giving me a bear hug, my pants are practically down to my knees, my stomach is jiggling like a bowl full of jello, and I’m doing involuntary interval training.  It was a sight to see.  Again I will pause while you go get brain bleach.  I finished the my workout but I seriously wanted to lose my mind by the end.  Needless to say I did not get the runners high after.  On a positive note - not sure there is one - I didn't quit.  Eff Monday's.

New bra - if it fit right it would actually be a really good bra - Its Juno by Moving Comfort